Overcoming Limits (or not)

[ysabetwordsmith]

Here's a post about overcoming limits, or not.

What it does not mention are limits that one could, but should not,  push past.  That is, a body/mind has things it can do safely, things that can be done but are unpleasant or harmful, and things that cannot be done at all.  That middle range is where most people get into trouble, and they are far more likely to do so with other people yapping, "Go on, try!  You can do it!"  

It's like mad science.  Just because you CAN do something, does not always mean you SHOULD.  Always think about the cost-benefit balance.  Don't hurt yourself on account of other people urging you forward where it's not safe, or because you really want to do something that is not safe for your body/mind.  Know yourself.  Know your limits.  Understand which ones are soft limits that you can push sometimes but not routinely, and which ones are hard limits that will do real damage if you smack into them.  Treat your limits with respect and your self with compassion.

Comments

[sylvaine]

Yes, this. I've been trying for a while now to figure out which limits I should push past and which ones I shouldn't - at the moment I feel like I'm erring on the side of caution, "being lazy". But also I'm wary of pushing pasts limits in that middle range, so I figure I'd rather be "lazy" when I can!

[brushwolf]

How to say this.

The thing about exceptional people is that they're just that - the exception, not the rule. Most amputees don't run marathons, and most child abuse survivors don't turn their lives around and become fabulously wealthy/respected whatevers. There are good reasons for that, losing a leg or most of your childhood is not an easy thing to hack. It isn't supposed to be. No amount of dualistic success/failure stories, positive thinking, society monetizing the idea of success, or whatever, can change that difficult things are difficult to deal with.

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Well said.

Also, there's a serious tendency for tokenism with disabilities: abled people point to the few who succeed wildly, and make like everyone could do that or should be doing that. It is just as much baloney as saying that all black people could be successful if they tried. They are trying, and most of them are still poor.

Re: Thank you!

[brushwolf]

That's part of what I mean - I think a lot of it is just basic humanity, we want simplifications and dualities, we want happy endings, we're used to thinking of success as something that plays out financially. But reality is way more diverse and I feel we keep acting as though all cancer survivors are the same cancer survivor (which I think is a good example because that's physiologically as well as emotionally impossible).

I mean, applying the whole through willpower you'll be able to push through all barriers and become a huge success trope is cruel even if you're doing it on, I dunno, let's say upper middle class white kids. It's only going to get crueler from there.

[matrixmann]

Kind of reminds to social workers and people of state entities that have to do with youth welfare service. Always have a problem if someone's not going for social interaction and doesn't like to spend his time among humans - as well as if someone's not the one to go for the "carreer"-thing too.
Surely also applies for all other services coming after that for more adult ages.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

They act like it's not okay to be yourself if you are an introvert, or for that matter, if you think society is run by psychopaths and you don't want to be around such icky people. They act like you're only worth the job you can do, and if you want to do something else as your major life focus, somehow that's not good enough.

Which is life-destroying if you rely on those people for your survival needs in any way, as many people do. Either you break yourself trying to please people who despise you on principle, or you go without vital resources.

Re: Yes...

[matrixmann]

At most they cannot accept if you're one for the thing "I do not care for money, I do not care for carreer, I just need to follow my habits and my interests". If that's their personal opinion of if it's because a system is paying them that lives from individuals rather going to a job, earning money and bending their needs - I don't know.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I've been dealing with that balance a lot as I've been coming to terms with depression over the last few years. There are lots of things that I can do on any given occasion, but there's a cost, and it's unsustainable to do as much of those as most people do.

It's getting better with the Sertraline, but that's causing its own problems in turn, as I overestimate how fast it's getting better, and set myself back by pushing faster than I'm really ready for, and not catching the signs until too late, because I'm not paying as much attention to them on account of generally feeling much better.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

One thing about depression is that it seems to disable a lot of power lines. Things that used to give energy now do not, or even drain it.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Um. Something I would say here, if you wouldn't feel I was poking my nose in your personal medical affairs. Would it be okay?

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Go for it.

[zeeth_kyrah]

One of the biggest causes of spiritual disability is forcing power through when it shouldn't be pushed so hard. You burn things out, rather like over-volting an electronic system. And recovery can take way too long, with lingering symptoms that can be gentle or intermittent at times until one is overdrawn (at which point the symptoms take over).

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Heh. This is an interesting thing for me to ponder. My fatigue issues are such that sometimes pushing to do something means I'm less able to do something the next day. This isn't uncommon, I'm told - a lot of people find that if they over do it, they'll be wiped out, and, like me, they have no warning during the activity.

Now, on the one hand, for *me*, I want to find the limits of my activity - I want to live life as best as I can. But trying to do that can mean ending up doing a lot more and being miserable every minute of the way.

And my experience is that if I'm at the state where I'm not-fatigued, and happy, I might not do "as much" by most raw numbers, but what I do tends to be much more effective. So "overcoming my limits" is actually counterproductive.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Quality over quantity. Well reasoned.