ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2024-11-13 03:15 pm
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2024-11-13 03:15 pm
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Abuse Rolls Downhill
I came across a reference saying that once you start hurting other people, you're not a victim anymore, you're an abuser.
This is incompletely true. Take a look at this picture. Abuse rolls downhill. Are the people in the middle abusers or victims? They're BOTH. The bothness is inseparable. This is because abuse tends to create more abuse, called the intergenerational cycle of violence. It simply acknowledges that hurt people hurt people. While it is not true that all abuse victims become abusers, it is definitely true that the vast majority of abusers have been abused themselves in the past, as shown by prison statistics.
There are two broadly common responses to trauma: 1) "This is horrible and I want to make sure nothing like this happens to anyone else." 2) "This is horrible and I want a chance to hurt others the way I have been hurt." Option 1 is the path taken by victims who work on breaking the cycle of violence; option 2 is the path taken by victims who become abusers themselves. Becoming an abuser doesn't mean a person is no longer a victim, because it is that past victimization driving them to behave in destructive ways that harm other people.
That doesn't make it okay for them to harm others, but does explain a lot about why they are doing so. It's a problem, but it is not the same kind of problem as when people make trouble from scratch, and it requires solutions that account its cause. If you want to reduce the total amount of mayhem, then you must correctly identify its causes and provide suitable solutions. That requires steps like making therapy widely available, teaching coping skills, and practicing peacework. Evidently humanity prefers the status quo.
The original reference that I saw was condemning Israel. If you're wondering why Israel is like this, one of my Jewish readers gave a brilliant explanation of why Jews tend to curbstomp their enemies. And now that's everyone's problem.
It's not just about Israel, though. The same pattern appears with other instances of historic trauma, with domestic violence, with child molestation, and so on. It's not about one isolated case. It's about a world that is so full of violence, it mints trauma survivors by the millions, and therefore necessarily the effects of "hurt people hurt people" in the millions. A planet full of people flailing about in pain is not a pretty place to live.
This is incompletely true. Take a look at this picture. Abuse rolls downhill. Are the people in the middle abusers or victims? They're BOTH. The bothness is inseparable. This is because abuse tends to create more abuse, called the intergenerational cycle of violence. It simply acknowledges that hurt people hurt people. While it is not true that all abuse victims become abusers, it is definitely true that the vast majority of abusers have been abused themselves in the past, as shown by prison statistics.
There are two broadly common responses to trauma: 1) "This is horrible and I want to make sure nothing like this happens to anyone else." 2) "This is horrible and I want a chance to hurt others the way I have been hurt." Option 1 is the path taken by victims who work on breaking the cycle of violence; option 2 is the path taken by victims who become abusers themselves. Becoming an abuser doesn't mean a person is no longer a victim, because it is that past victimization driving them to behave in destructive ways that harm other people.
That doesn't make it okay for them to harm others, but does explain a lot about why they are doing so. It's a problem, but it is not the same kind of problem as when people make trouble from scratch, and it requires solutions that account its cause. If you want to reduce the total amount of mayhem, then you must correctly identify its causes and provide suitable solutions. That requires steps like making therapy widely available, teaching coping skills, and practicing peacework. Evidently humanity prefers the status quo.
The original reference that I saw was condemning Israel. If you're wondering why Israel is like this, one of my Jewish readers gave a brilliant explanation of why Jews tend to curbstomp their enemies. And now that's everyone's problem.
It's not just about Israel, though. The same pattern appears with other instances of historic trauma, with domestic violence, with child molestation, and so on. It's not about one isolated case. It's about a world that is so full of violence, it mints trauma survivors by the millions, and therefore necessarily the effects of "hurt people hurt people" in the millions. A planet full of people flailing about in pain is not a pretty place to live.
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