ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2021-12-28 05:24 am
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2021-12-28 05:24 am
Entry tags:
Poem: "After Hitting Rock Bottom"
This poem came out of the September 2021 ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by a prompt from scrubjayspeaks. It also fills the "Surrender" square in my 9-1-21 card for the Platonic Love Fest Bingo. This poem has been sponsored by a pool with fuzzyred, ng_moonmoth, janetmiles, and edorfaus. It belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "A Weird Tension," so read that first or this won't make much sense.
Warning: This poem features the results of child maltreatment.
"After Hitting Rock Bottom"
Shiv doesn't like behavior ladders,
never has and never will.
They always make him feel
insecure, ungrounded, like
everything is shifting out
from underneath him.
Shiv knows that no matter
how he tries, he'll never
manage to stay up.
It's the sliding that
he hates, really, the
awful sinking sensation.
It's better to be at
the bottom, where
it's stable because he
can't fall any farther.
There's a certain release
in the decision to surrender.
He doesn't like behavior ladders,
but he does appreciate the freedom
that comes after hitting rock bottom.
That's why, as soon as Shiv sees one,
he scrambles down it as fast as he can
like it's leaning on a house in a high wind.
Not one teacher ever realizes that
the damn things make him act worse.
Only Dr. G listens to Shiv's rant
about ladders, shrugs, and declares
that they'll just find better tools instead.
Shiv still isn't sure what to do about that.
* * *
Notes:
Behavior ladders are supposed to help children improve, but they have pros and cons. For some children the negative results can be very serious.
In particular, Shiv found behavior charts intolerable for sensation, and also impossible for expectations because he lacked the skills and emotional health to meet adult demands. Ever. No matter how hard he tried, before he learned to quit wasting his energy trying to please the unpleasable, it was never good enough and rarely even came close. As a result, Shiv learned that a lot of things like desserts, gifts, or recess were for other children, not for him. That's left a lasting imprint where he won't reach for certain things and is amazed if people include him in treats now.
crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by a prompt from scrubjayspeaks. It also fills the "Surrender" square in my 9-1-21 card for the Platonic Love Fest Bingo. This poem has been sponsored by a pool with fuzzyred, ng_moonmoth, janetmiles, and edorfaus. It belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "A Weird Tension," so read that first or this won't make much sense.Warning: This poem features the results of child maltreatment.
"After Hitting Rock Bottom"
Shiv doesn't like behavior ladders,
never has and never will.
They always make him feel
insecure, ungrounded, like
everything is shifting out
from underneath him.
Shiv knows that no matter
how he tries, he'll never
manage to stay up.
It's the sliding that
he hates, really, the
awful sinking sensation.
It's better to be at
the bottom, where
it's stable because he
can't fall any farther.
There's a certain release
in the decision to surrender.
He doesn't like behavior ladders,
but he does appreciate the freedom
that comes after hitting rock bottom.
That's why, as soon as Shiv sees one,
he scrambles down it as fast as he can
like it's leaning on a house in a high wind.
Not one teacher ever realizes that
the damn things make him act worse.
Only Dr. G listens to Shiv's rant
about ladders, shrugs, and declares
that they'll just find better tools instead.
Shiv still isn't sure what to do about that.
* * *
Notes:
Behavior ladders are supposed to help children improve, but they have pros and cons. For some children the negative results can be very serious.
In particular, Shiv found behavior charts intolerable for sensation, and also impossible for expectations because he lacked the skills and emotional health to meet adult demands. Ever. No matter how hard he tried, before he learned to quit wasting his energy trying to please the unpleasable, it was never good enough and rarely even came close. As a result, Shiv learned that a lot of things like desserts, gifts, or recess were for other children, not for him. That's left a lasting imprint where he won't reach for certain things and is amazed if people include him in treats now.