Hard Things

[ysabetwordsmith]

Life is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.

What are some of the hard things you've done recently? What are some hard things you haven't gotten to yet, but need to do? Is there anything your online friends could do to make your hard things a little easier?

Comments

[mama_kestrel]

I need to find my way out of the hole I've crawled into. That's hard because it means I need to talk. (I know, for those who know me that sounds incredible, but there it is.) I'm reluctant to talk about what's going on in my life because I don't want to embarrass my mom or make her look bad, but, well, that's what's going on in my life. (Short version: the woman wouldn't know a boundary if it fell on her head, and while the dementia has exacerbated that, it's far from a new problem.) So I'm trying to build or find a ladder, and for all the times I've done that for other people, I don't know how to do it for myself.

And I think I'd best hit post before I delete the whole thing.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I need to find my way out of the hole I've crawled into.<<

I wish you luck with that.

>> That's hard because it means I need to talk. (I know, for those who know me that sounds incredible, but there it is.) <<

Some things are just hard to talk about.

>>I'm reluctant to talk about what's going on in my life because I don't want to embarrass my mom or make her look bad, but, well, that's what's going on in my life. (Short version: the woman wouldn't know a boundary if it fell on her head, and while the dementia has exacerbated that, it's far from a new problem.) <<

:(

>> So I'm trying to build or find a ladder, and for all the times I've done that for other people, I don't know how to do it for myself.<<

It's harder when you are the one caught in the flash flood.

>> And I think I'd best hit post before I delete the whole thing.<<

Well, it's progress. The whole point of Hard Things is to give people a reasonably safe place to vent. Sometimes we might be able to help. Other times we just nod and go, "Yeah, that sucks."

There's a lot of advice about self-care for caregivers. The problem is, it's all obvious and if it were feasible to do those things then people wouldn't be burning out in the first place. They burn out because they have more demands than resources and the only "help" offered usually consists of unhelpful advice rather than "Here is $500" or "Here is free adult daycare" or even "How about I come over and do some housework so you can sit down for a few minutes."

Re: Thoughts

[mama_kestrel]

"How about I come over and do some housework so you can sit down for a few minutes."

Or come over and chat with her for an hour, so that I am not her sole source of amusement. Or better still, set a time, pick up her and her walker, and take her shopping or to lunch without me. If it's someone else's schedule, she'll be ready in time. It's only with the family she runs on Mommy Standard Time.

Why yes, I am frustrated.

I know no one can solve this. I know the only way through is one day at a time, and sometimes one breath at a time. But I have spent most of my adult life fighting to keep her from taking over my life...and now here we are.

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Or come over and chat with her for an hour, so that I am not her sole source of amusement. Or better still, set a time, pick up her and her walker, and take her shopping or to lunch without me.<<

Those are excellent ideas. I will keep them in mind the next time someone asks how they can help a caregiver friend or relative. I haven't seen them on lists before. Probably because they are hard.

>> If it's someone else's schedule, she'll be ready in time. It's only with the family she runs on Mommy Standard Time.<<

0_o That's ... awful. I think I'll leave it at that.

>>I know no one can solve this. I know the only way through is one day at a time, and sometimes one breath at a time. But I have spent most of my adult life fighting to keep her from taking over my life...and now here we are.<<

Sounds like Hell on Earth.