ysabetwordsmith | Hard Things

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Hard Things

Life is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.

What are some of the hard things you've done recently? What are some hard things you haven't gotten to yet, but need to do? Is there anything your online friends could do to make your hard things a little easier?

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The cognitive dissonance of celebrating my rainbow kaleidoscope of friends and `ohana - queer, witchy/Energetic, coping with personal issues both physical and not, or just generally fabulous in ways the mundane world isn't ready for...

and realizing that every single one of those classes is under personal, lethal threat from multiple seats of government.

And I'm just kinda DONE, y'know? Not as in wanting to check out, but as in putting up with the bovine scatology... sooner or later somebody's going to point me at an idea that's bananapants enough it just might work, and I'm going to do something really, really stupid... and my wife will likely read me the riot act, if I survive...

but dammit, the sons of biscuits are doing stuff that would make Old Scratch turn pale and wan, and we are not a patient RavenBear...

I don't even know where to start. It's all tangled up together.

I feel like hell. It hurts to stand and walk, and even taking a deep BREATH hurts in my hips when I'm trying to stand, and I can't even get fully upright any more. Pain pills almost universally knock me completely OUT instead of doing their job, so I end up with inadequate OTC pain management.

Long story deleted. To sum up: I'm running out of steam, and hope, and any ability to cope, and have no other recourse than to tough it out where I am. Which... after the way a housemate has been throwing me under the bus, is increasingly difficult.

I don't know what will happen in the next day, let alone the next month, but it's finally affected my ability to WRITE-- it's after two and I've barely written 500 words all day.

So true! Got to do the hard mundane unpleasant stuff to make space for the good things! I'm working on clearing out my room.

I started a new job, only to have a meltdown on the job site.

The bosses were amazing (on my side, the client manager caused the meltdown) and got me moved to a quieter site, with better pay and more manageable hours, but I still feel like I failed. I want so badly to be a productive and useful member of my society, but the stuff I'm good at isn't stuff the current world-model seems to value, and I'm left feeling like I'm not trying hard enough even when I'm doing everything right. I am the fish being judged by my ability to ride a bicycle and it's just hard to cope with.

We also lost my Great Uncle and my friend had his gallbladder removed this week, so my empathy circuits have been way overtaxed.

>> I feel like hell. It hurts to stand and walk, and even taking a deep BREATH hurts in my hips when I'm trying to stand, and I can't even get fully upright any more. Pain pills almost universally knock me completely OUT instead of doing their job, so I end up with inadequate OTC pain management. <<

:( That sucks mightily.

>> Long story deleted. To sum up: I'm running out of steam, and hope, and any ability to cope, and have no other recourse than to tough it out where I am.<<

I am so sorry to hear that.

>> Which... after the way a housemate has been throwing me under the bus, is increasingly difficult. <<

My that "housemate" encounter karma after you are safely out of range.

>>I don't know what will happen in the next day, let alone the next month, but it's finally affected my ability to WRITE-- it's after two and I've barely written 500 words all day.<<

Argh. Not writing is frustrating.

>> I started a new job, only to have a meltdown on the job site. <<

That's frustrating.

>> The bosses were amazing (on my side, the client manager caused the meltdown) and got me moved to a quieter site, with better pay and more manageable hours, but I still feel like I failed. <<

Feelings are real and powerful, but sometimes they lie. Did the client manager set you up to fail? Frex, give you 8 hours of work and demand it done in 4, or short you of supplies, or refuse to solve problems preventing you from work? Or did you fail to pay attention to important instructions, screw off playing video games on the job, or cut corners and make mistakes? You are only responsible for things YOU control, not things that are someone else's responsibility or that just happen. Since the managers responded so favorably, I am inclined to suspect that the matter was not a performance failure on your part. This may not make you feel better but is vital to accurately assessing whether this job is a good fit for you.

>> I want so badly to be a productive and useful member of my society, but the stuff I'm good at isn't stuff the current world-model seems to value,<<

I know that feel.

>> and I'm left feeling like I'm not trying hard enough even when I'm doing everything right. I am the fish being judged by my ability to ride a bicycle and it's just hard to cope with.<<

Yeah, that sucks. Try to remember that your worth as a person is not connected to how much other people value what you can do for them. This society absolutely relies on not valuing vast swaths of people. Can you imagine if minimum wage workers and women's unpaid labor had to be fairly compensated? America would go broke. So it maintains the status quo by lying that this work and these people are worthless.

>> and realizing that every single one of those classes is under personal, lethal threat from multiple seats of government. <<

*searching for some part of my identity the government doesn't despise*

*file not found*

>> sooner or later somebody's going to point me at an idea that's bananapants enough it just might work, and I'm going to do something really, really stupid... and my wife will likely read me the riot act, if I survive... <<

Do not be distracted by fancy flourishes, and do not strike at shadows. Instead, strike at your enemy's base.

What is the enemy's base?

To thwart fear, teach courage.

To thwart divisiveness, teach teamwork, cooperation, acceptance, cultural awareness, and heritage languages.

To thwart cruelty, teach compassion.

To thwart rage, team serenity and problem-solving.

To thwart ignorance, teach knowledge, wisdom, rational thought processes, facts and their verification.

To thwart violence, teach peacemaking and nonviolent conflict resolution.

To thwart greed, teach generosity, charity, and the gift economy.

Treat every society action that outrages you as motivation to go do something against them. Don't stand in the street waving a sign, nobody in power cares. Hit them where they live: their profits and their power base.

You will note that these concepts directly undermine the foundations of modern America. Teaching them could get you killed. Some of these things have gotten a lot of people killed.

What you choose to do is up to you.

You did NOT fail. You chose excellent management, and got the help you needed, and you still have ... not *that* job but a BETTER one. That's some pretty damn awesome bicycle-parkour from where I sit. TOTALLY stuck the landing. The Cascadian judge raises a perfect 6. (Not your damn fault your boss's opposite number was being a butt.)

*gentle hugs* for overtaxed empathy circuits.

Room cleaning is tedious, but often has good results.

America would NOT go broke. We here in Seattle pay Mickey Dees burger flippers $15 per, and business is BOOMING. Even small businesses have figured out that when you pay your people, they stick around, do a better job, word gets around, and you end up having to expand.

Who would be affected? A bunch of C-level gold-hoarders that already don't pay any taxes. Trickle-down economics is not just a Ponzi scheme, it's a lie that there even is a scheme to be Ponzi'ed.

There is one area where the wage thing can bite. Food production. *and* I'm wondering about that...

>> America would NOT go broke. We here in Seattle pay Mickey Dees burger flippers $15 per, and business is BOOMING. <<

A living wage alone wouldn't break the economy, but would create substantial changes. One problem is the way people do it -- they let it go for years, then make a big increase, then complain about price bounces, which do happen. The way to fix that is to chain the minimum wage to inflation, so it rises gradually with minimal bounce. You also need to recalculate regularly -- at least every 10 years, and 5 is better -- what constitutes the minimum for a decent living based on survival needs plus expenses society demands (e.g. a fixed residence, food, health care, internet).

However, I also added in unpaid labor. That is a massive, world-shaking amount.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/this-is-how-much-more-unpaid-work-women-do-than-men-2017-03-07

http://www.ipsnews.net/2019/01/womens-unpaid-work-time-take-concrete-action/

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2015/08/household-labor-caring-labor-unpaid-labor.html

If we paid for all of that, it would break the current system. In my opinion, this is not a bad thing; the status quo sucks and needs to be replaced by something less evil. But most people prefer to keep it as it is, and will kill anyone who threatens it too seriously.

This is, by the way, a reason I support Universal Basic Income: to pay people for the work they are currently being forced to do for free, or punished if they refuse. It would make a different and healthier society.

That's also why capitalists abhor it. They need the threat of unemployment and starvation to force workers to endure abusive labor practices.

Or as I shared from another rabbinic student friend, on FB's Aleph page and their blog I think, Irwin Keller:

"I am loyal to the inconveniences of kindness." ;-)

That's far from the only area. Many things cost more to do than most people are willing or able to pay for them. Food. Health care. Child care. Housing. &c&c

This is why I suggest a system of subsidized needs and privatized wants. Everyone should either be able to afford the basics, or have free choice of basics; and beyond that, if they want to work extra and pay more for luxuries, go for it. That means the basics must be decent quality, not crap.

I've seen the viciously shitty service that passed for government-paid health care here. Even the paid versions are often dangerously inadequate, enough to kill people waiting for someone to get around to fixing problems that used to get fixed the same day. So it makes me very dubious of the government's ability and willingness to care for its people. Nonprofit services, on the other hand, are often excellent and routinely outperform both government and capitalist competitors.

I'm sorry to hear your body/situation sucks right now. Anything I can do to help?
❤💚💜💙💛💙💜💚❤

Just admitting it and having friends who DON'T say "Why are you whingeing?" is a wonderful thing. Expecting that response was grooved in pretty deeply by the time I started preschool.

I need a time machine, a baseball bat, and a list of the names of people who said that to you.

The list is... as extensive as Shiv's. With a hefty helping of ableism to go with it.

Don't worry about it. I've learned enough to actually speak up, which is massive progress.

*sigh*

Just existing is damn hard some days. The world is simultaneously on fire, melting down, blowing up, sinking and turning into a not-so-fictional dystopian nightmare .. and I'm thinking I should've started building my metaphorical lifeboat about ten years before I did.

I'm trying to get shit done writing-wise, and DIY like... and I'm looking at all the other stuff that's piled up meantime and thinking that there just isn't enough hours in the day. I'm constantly running on a quarter tank of spoons and I getting really sick of waking up just as tired as when I went to sleep.

I tell you... if I could move to Mars or the Moon, I would.

Good for you... still wanna hurt people for saying mean things to you.. but that's just me.

You know... there really needs to be a Kneecappers, Leg Breakers and Assassins guild you can submit such lists to. Jus' sayin'. We could probably crowd-fund the fees for 'taking care of' certain political figures... heck, some they might offer a discount on.

Edited 2019-08-22 00:01 (UTC)

No, no, the Assassins' Guild is separate.

And their dues are MUCH higher.

But the KLBA... they'll take SOME jobs for literal lunch money. *G*

You know those biker gangs that escort abused children to court, or bullied children to school? Yeah, they're probably affiliate members of the KLBA.

Resident Advisor training. Very fun, but exhausting. (Certified L-America version of EFAide as of today, Mental Health First Aide!!! Also mediation skills, practical ethics, and other very good skills!)

Dealing with fleas invading apt after being on the dog still....

Also this week started training a replacement for my position at work while also handling work going on. Includes frequent interruptions of many kinds.

>>Just existing is damn hard some days.<<

Too true. And that's how you know society is broken -- when it takes maximum effort just to get through an ordinary day.

>>I tell you... if I could move to Mars or the Moon, I would.<<

I know that feel.

*hugs*

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