On Emotional Labor

[ysabetwordsmith]

I was fascinating to find this quote that referenced emotional labor among the trials of women and men:

nature has decreed that for what men suffer by having to shave, be killed in battle, and eat the legs of chickens, women make amends by housekeeping, childbirth, and writing all the letters for both of them ...
-- Jan Struther

Comments

Re: Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Me, too. I'm not sure where my Mom would be in terms of her stability otherwise. As it is, I've suggested she seek counselling for a lot of the issues she now has with Grandpa because of how I see them affecting her relationships with others, including my dad. I'm not quite sure she's taken it yet, though she finally admitted she probably should. <<

Counseling can be useful, if it is accessible, affordable, respectful, and well matched to one's problem and personality. When there are conflicts or intrapersonal issues, it's useful to consider. Pressuring people is counterproductive, but expressions of concern are more often okay.

This page has some decent tips about how to encourage someone to seek therapy. Understand that you may need to make the suggestion repeatedly -- leaving enough space between so it doesn't sound like nagging -- before she agrees. But if she's gotten as far as thinking she should try therapy, then look for ways you can lower the barriers and make that as safe and easy as possible. Is she moved by social ties? Look for friends of hers who have found therapy helpful. Is she more about logic? Frame it as an experiment, go for a few sessions and if doesn't pan out, try something else.

Also, there are many resources online that talk about family dynamics and related issues. If she's a self-starter, much of the good can be gotten from the information alone. I usually do way better at solving my own problems than other people can. Out of the FOG is a favorite site for coping with relatives who have issues.

>>I miss her though; She died of Altzeimer's some number of years ago that I can't remember off the top of my head.<<

:( I miss my grandmother too.

Re: Yes...

[we_are_spc]

She's unfortunately not a self-starter; she's often (like me) afraid of things getting back to the wrong people, and if she (which I don't know) has any shame of being in therapy, that could be a hinderance.

I will, however, look at the sites when my brain is less...weasly.

It was hard to watch her go down hill, and my mom just about lose her shit for various reasons.

She was a fantastic lady, though, and I miss her reading to me, which she used to do while growing up. She was the one who introduced me to Calico Cat and Gingham Pup," "Spider and the Fly," etc. If I could find the book those powemss were in, "I've never Seen a Poem As Lovely as a Tree" was in that same book) ... I'd be hard pressed not to buy it, or at least pick it up to hold. The memories of her reading them are that strong in us.

-Fallon~