ysabetwordsmith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2016-06-29 01:57 am
ysabetwordsmith) wrote2016-06-29 01:57 am
Entry tags:
Hard Things
Life is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.
What are some of the hard things you've done recently?
What are some of the hard things you've done recently?
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I washed the dishes and took out the trash today, too :D
Yay!
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(As for the allergies/sinus crap, thank the gods I had a doctor appointment already, even if it wiped me out and made me cranky.)
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we appreciate these posts you make
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a couple weeks ago, we made a record of the abuse we overheard from our neighbor. we answered the door to the police when they came and reported to them. ...we are usually incapable of answering the door unless it's a loved one at a time we're expecting them, and speaking to any official anyone terrifies us. we were/still are very not okay for a few weeks after, but we did it.
right now, we just almost went to knock on the neighbor's door just to give the abuser a different target, because we are triggered and lack self-preservation. but we managed to stop ourselves.
Re: we appreciate these posts you make
Just in case you hadn't noticed, that's heroic. \o/
>> right now, we just almost went to knock on the neighbor's door just to give the abuser a different target, because we are triggered and lack self-preservation. but we managed to stop ourselves. <<
And that's prudent. Only intervene directly if you can do it without making yourself another victim. Raising the victim count never helps.
I'm glad you find this posts so useful!
Re: we appreciate these posts you make
"Just in case you hadn't noticed, that's heroic. \o/"
...i sorta hugged myself and maybe got a little tearful hearing that. <3 we... maybe had noticed, distantly, but it's super hard for us to feel good about ourselves in a situation like that without someone else saying something.
"Only intervene directly if you can do it without making yourself another victim. Raising the victim count never helps."
that is super helpful to hear and be reminded of, too. like, we knew somewhere in the back of our mind, but it was like we'd forgotten why we were not doing that. so thanks for the reminder, we needed it apparently. it helped to... what's that word... validate our decision not to go there in that state.
we kind of know these things, in the place where logic happens, but. sometimes we need to hear someone else say it in order to really feel like it's true.
and yeah, these are really useful posts. we really appreciate the way you're... hosting a community here, i guess is what i'd probably call it. and that you're willing to hear us talk about things like that. making that comment above actually really helped us calm down and start to relocate ourselves and ground. once we commented here we started to remember how breathing is supposed to go and that we have other coping methods that would help, and how to access them. i guess just saying it to someone instead of out into the ether helps, but it's not even just that - you have a very strong energy, and it's a sensible, well-grounded, protective kind of energy so coming to be in your space specifically makes a big difference too.
wow i babbled a whole lot more than i expected to. XD thanks again.
~marki of the beasts
Re: we appreciate these posts you make
You're welcome. I'm glad I could help.
"Just in case you hadn't noticed, that's heroic. \o/"
>> ...i sorta hugged myself and maybe got a little tearful hearing that. <3 <<
:D
>> we... maybe had noticed, distantly, but it's super hard for us to feel good about ourselves in a situation like that without someone else saying something. <<
It's okay to need the mirror. While some people struggle with this more in everyday life, most people feel that way in regard to heroic acts. It's like trying to see the back of your own head, you can't do it without a mirror.
I can talk confidently about my skills and accomplishments. I can describe logically what heroism is -- putting yourself at risk to help someone else and/or manage an emergency. I've done that, if I measure some of my past actions against that objective standard. But when I try to put the ends together, it's like pushing two north magnets toward each other, they want to slide apart.
What's the most common thing that people say after a crisis, when someone calls their actions heroic? "I'm not a hero, I was just doing what anyone would had done." Except that most people wouldn't, and that's what makes a hero.
>> that is super helpful to hear and be reminded of, too. <<
Yay! :D
>> like, we knew somewhere in the back of our mind, but it was like we'd forgotten why we were not doing that. so thanks for the reminder, we needed it apparently. <<
Rule #1 for all first responders, and citizen responders, is Do Not Make Yourself Another Casualty. You can only help as long as you remain functional. If you get hurt, then the next responder has an extra victim to worry about. This is a really hard rule for many people to follow if they have that instinct to jump in and help.
You have to stop and think. Scene assessment is the first step. What is going on? Where are the hazards? Is it ongoing danger or something bad that happened and then went away? Are there environmental risks (like nearby traffic in a road accident) which could endanger you and victim(s)? Next you check on the problem. Who is hurt and how bad is it? Is this something you can handle yourself or do you need experts? Who should you call to deal with that stuff? Ideally, get the wheels rolling as soon as possible; they can be driving while your are working the problem. Then you look for how you can help right now. What needs to be done to solve the problem? Can you do that with the skills and equipment you have on hand? Even if you can't fix the big problem, you can often buffer it. Keep Things From Getting Worse is another key rule for first responders. Sometimes being supportive can help prevent someone from developing PTSD. Sometimes reporting a problem can bring people to solve it before permanent damage or death occurs.
>> it helped to... what's that word... validate our decision not to go there in that state. <<
That's good to hear. Validation is important. I try to do that for people, because it's a key human need and also one of the things that makes people say I'm more help than their therapist.
>> we kind of know these things, in the place where logic happens, but. sometimes we need to hear someone else say it in order to really feel like it's true. <<
Logic and feelings can connect, but they don't always. It's one of the places where having an assist can make a big difference. Also, it's good that you know these things about yourself, so that you can look for a support network of people who validate you when you need it and backstop for you when you're missing important clues.
>> and yeah, these are really useful posts. we really appreciate the way you're... hosting a community here, i guess is what i'd probably call it. <<
That's the goal, yes. I can't fix the whole world, but I can work on making my little corner of the internet a safe and positive space.
>> and that you're willing to hear us talk about things like that. <<
\o/
>> making that comment above actually really helped us calm down and start to relocate ourselves and ground. once we commented here we started to remember how breathing is supposed to go and that we have other coping methods that would help, and how to access them.<<
I'm so happy to hear that! Coping skills are good. I think the world would be a better place if more people would listen to each other and, when someone seems upset, ping back with something like "What coping skills are you using to deal with that?" or "How are you taking care of yourself?" Then if they're not, make a few suggestions. Because sometimes people just forget to use what they have.
>> i guess just saying it to someone instead of out into the ether helps, <<
That is exactly why I started making these posts. Years ago, a linguist friend remarked about the fragmentation of society and how people often don't have anyone to share the ups and downs. Well, I can't do anything about the concrete need for friends like if you need help jumpstarting the car. But online friends can definitely meet the need for community in terms of sharing successes and challenges, so you've got people to cheer for you and sympathize with you and occasionally offer helpful resources. That one I can fix. And it's great for the social proprioception of my audience as a community -- it gives them a chance to hear who is sick or well, who is overworked or having a great time, so they can account for that in generally conversing with each other.
>> but it's not even just that - you have a very strong energy, and it's a sensible, well-grounded, protective kind of energy so coming to be in your space specifically makes a big difference too. <<
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service. In that regard, validation is one of the things I do as part of my vocation. A Bard's job is to name things, to define things, to draw the lines around what is in or out. Sometimes it's casual, but other times it is very deliberate. And it shores up things that other people may not otherwise be able to feel clearly. Some days my job is about telling great stories. But other times it's as simple as saying, "That was a good thing you did."
>> wow i babbled a whole lot more than i expected to. XD thanks again. <<
You're welcome. I'm glad you felt like talking.
Re: we appreciate these posts you make
<3 <3 <3
~marki and the beasts
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It's Wimbledon week.. so that means the monsoon season is in full effect.
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Okay...
While doing research for poetry, I found this site with some extremely useful resources:
How to know if therapy is working
What should NOT happen in therapy
When therapy is making you worse
Look at the lefthand menu on those pages and you'll find a bunch more entries about how therapy works, how to get the most from it, and troubleshooting. It's useful across a wide range of mental issues and therapy styles.
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Well...
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