Update from Sunday's phone call from place of worship: Office Lady there expressly asked that I tell Spouse not to come to Thursday class any longer due to his incontinence and Depends not holding all of it in. She suggested online courses. He decided to go anyway and plans to bring a cushion tonight that I made for him in case he leaks. (Another elderly man, since deceased, always brought a cushion so Spouse sees precedent.) Office Lady exchanged phone #'s with me and requested that I text when he is coming and if he is clean or not. I regret giving her my cell # and saying she could text back and forth. I am on guard with her.
Their side is that the $50 chairs continuing to be ruined (because they will not clean them but declare them soiled and "dishonoring the house of prayer" and thus require replacement) is unfair to them because Office Lady says "he's had plenty of chances to change since November 2019 at her first phone call and people don't want to come anymore because of him".
His side is that he wishes to attend any activity, loves the place despite all because he's attended 20 years, and resents being singled out in spite of his unsocial odor and occasional behavior (he can get aggressive with his walker involving anybody in his way when he needs to get someplace, such as the bathroom or simply moving through the crowd. He never hits anybody but looks very intense and that can intimidate.)
My side is that I want him to go there as much as he can.
The setting is a private home that is regularly crowded with wall to wall people Main Worship Day, a line for getting food from the buffet tables on this day's free lunch, and hours long religious services and classes that he loves. I've been to them numerous times throughout twenty years and find the place claustrophobic, although others find them "family like" and "bustling, in a good way." I can see both points of view. There are many children around for him to tell stories to and he enjoys singing. He can be charming and offers interesting stories.
Best case scenario is that Worship Leader allows him to enter for the class tonight and accepts his cushion for both class and Main Worship Day. Acceptable case scenario is that he is rejected for Thursdays and allowed to come on Main Worship Day. Less acceptable case scenario is that Worship Leader insists that he curtail his stays on Main Worship Day to perhaps 2 hours. Absolute worst case is that they call the cops on him because he was asked not to come, with the corollary of his arrest.
My most uncharitable thought: right before New Year's, they called him for a donation and he said no, but he would sponsor a lunch in February, approximate cost $200.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with.
Their side is that the $50 chairs continuing to be ruined (because they will not clean them but declare them soiled and "dishonoring the house of prayer" and thus require replacement) is unfair to them because Office Lady says "he's had plenty of chances to change since November 2019 at her first phone call and people don't want to come anymore because of him".
His side is that he wishes to attend any activity, loves the place despite all because he's attended 20 years, and resents being singled out in spite of his unsocial odor and occasional behavior (he can get aggressive with his walker involving anybody in his way when he needs to get someplace, such as the bathroom or simply moving through the crowd. He never hits anybody but looks very intense and that can intimidate.)
My side is that I want him to go there as much as he can.
The setting is a private home that is regularly crowded with wall to wall people Main Worship Day, a line for getting food from the buffet tables on this day's free lunch, and hours long religious services and classes that he loves. I've been to them numerous times throughout twenty years and find the place claustrophobic, although others find them "family like" and "bustling, in a good way." I can see both points of view. There are many children around for him to tell stories to and he enjoys singing. He can be charming and offers interesting stories.
Best case scenario is that Worship Leader allows him to enter for the class tonight and accepts his cushion for both class and Main Worship Day. Acceptable case scenario is that he is rejected for Thursdays and allowed to come on Main Worship Day. Less acceptable case scenario is that Worship Leader insists that he curtail his stays on Main Worship Day to perhaps 2 hours. Absolute worst case is that they call the cops on him because he was asked not to come, with the corollary of his arrest.
My most uncharitable thought: right before New Year's, they called him for a donation and he said no, but he would sponsor a lunch in February, approximate cost $200.