>> I need to find my way out of the hole I've crawled into.<<
I wish you luck with that.
>> That's hard because it means I need to talk. (I know, for those who know me that sounds incredible, but there it is.) <<
Some things are just hard to talk about.
>>I'm reluctant to talk about what's going on in my life because I don't want to embarrass my mom or make her look bad, but, well, that's what's going on in my life. (Short version: the woman wouldn't know a boundary if it fell on her head, and while the dementia has exacerbated that, it's far from a new problem.) <<
:(
>> So I'm trying to build or find a ladder, and for all the times I've done that for other people, I don't know how to do it for myself.<<
It's harder when you are the one caught in the flash flood.
>> And I think I'd best hit post before I delete the whole thing.<<
Well, it's progress. The whole point of Hard Things is to give people a reasonably safe place to vent. Sometimes we might be able to help. Other times we just nod and go, "Yeah, that sucks."
There's a lot of advice about self-care for caregivers. The problem is, it's all obvious and if it were feasible to do those things then people wouldn't be burning out in the first place. They burn out because they have more demands than resources and the only "help" offered usually consists of unhelpful advice rather than "Here is $500" or "Here is free adult daycare" or even "How about I come over and do some housework so you can sit down for a few minutes."
Thoughts
I wish you luck with that.
>> That's hard because it means I need to talk. (I know, for those who know me that sounds incredible, but there it is.) <<
Some things are just hard to talk about.
>>I'm reluctant to talk about what's going on in my life because I don't want to embarrass my mom or make her look bad, but, well, that's what's going on in my life. (Short version: the woman wouldn't know a boundary if it fell on her head, and while the dementia has exacerbated that, it's far from a new problem.) <<
:(
>> So I'm trying to build or find a ladder, and for all the times I've done that for other people, I don't know how to do it for myself.<<
It's harder when you are the one caught in the flash flood.
>> And I think I'd best hit post before I delete the whole thing.<<
Well, it's progress. The whole point of Hard Things is to give people a reasonably safe place to vent. Sometimes we might be able to help. Other times we just nod and go, "Yeah, that sucks."
There's a lot of advice about self-care for caregivers. The problem is, it's all obvious and if it were feasible to do those things then people wouldn't be burning out in the first place. They burn out because they have more demands than resources and the only "help" offered usually consists of unhelpful advice rather than "Here is $500" or "Here is free adult daycare" or even "How about I come over and do some housework so you can sit down for a few minutes."