Poem: "Clutching at Pearls"
Jul. 6th, 2017 05:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis is the second freebie for the July 4, 2017 fishbowl courtesy of several new prompters. It was inspired by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zia_nuray. It also fills the "queer" square in my 5-29-17 card for the Pride Bingo fest.
"Clutching at Pearls"
When I arrived in this world,
people looked at my crotch and
guessed that I must be a girl.
As far as I know, none of them
ever found out how wrong they were,
so I suppose it doesn't matter much.
I grew up making mudpies and
catching frogs instead of playing
with Barbie dolls, wore blue jeans
instead of pink satin dresses, but
let my hair grow long because
I happen to like long hair.
Later on, as I made my way
through the fringes, people looked at
my life and guessed that, since it
wasn't falling apart, I must be a girl.
By then I could speak
and I was finding words
with which to describe myself,
so I tried to explain to them
that being genderqueer isn't
inherently a maddening thing.
Inconvenient, yes;
life-wrecking, not for me.
Most of them didn't understand,
but since they weren't part of my life,
I suppose it doesn't matter much.
I think more in terms of souls than in bodies,
and I don't really understand why so many people
clutch their pearls over non-issues such as
someone else's love or gender or skin.
We're all star stuff anyhow, celestial spirits
temporarily pretending to be meat.
I've gone through different descriptions --
omnisexual and pansexual and genderqueer --
before coming up with my own, metasexual.
This is me. I am metasexual.
I am a metasexual. Here I am.
I'm not strongly attached to
a gender presentation, I just like
to be comfortable and practical
and, above all, myself.
If it leaves some people
clutching at straws or
clutching at pearls,
well, that's their problem.
* * *
Notes:
When a baby is born, someone takes a casual glance at the genitals and guesses a sex/gender. One would think if they really cared about accuracy like they claim, they'd check the chromosomes, but they don't; they just eyeball it, which shows that this is all about society, not science. Note, I do say "female-bodied people" as I find it a useful classification because it covers shape rather than gender identity; e.g. "You are not going to leave all the female-bodied people in the kitchen to clean up the mess while all the male-bodies people go sit in the living room." Most women, a few men, and probably about half of other genders have a female-shaped body.
Gender stereotypes do nobody any good, and can be especially harmful to children.
It is widely believed that being transgender or genderqueer is mentally stressful. But it isn't for everyone. Some people experience life-wrecking levels of stress from it and others just don't. A problem is that when a majority of people who are publicly out have the high-stress version, folks tend to think the more comfortable ones are not real. Which is bullshit, but people can be stupid.
Metasexual means "beyond sex" -- beyond thinking of biological sex or sexual attraction as limited concepts. It's like how a painted line is a wall to a 2-dimensional person but not a 3-dimensional one. My sexuality is a tesseract, so a 3-dimensional barrier doesn't really stop me. Why a tesseract? Well, if gender is a spectrum, and sexual orientation is one, and romantic attraction is another, and you add in things like desire to form permanent relationships and how fast that can happen and specific traits hardwired into personality such as kink -- it adds up to a lot more than 3 measly dimensions. The gender unicorn is another example.
zia_nuray. It also fills the "queer" square in my 5-29-17 card for the Pride Bingo fest."Clutching at Pearls"
When I arrived in this world,
people looked at my crotch and
guessed that I must be a girl.
As far as I know, none of them
ever found out how wrong they were,
so I suppose it doesn't matter much.
I grew up making mudpies and
catching frogs instead of playing
with Barbie dolls, wore blue jeans
instead of pink satin dresses, but
let my hair grow long because
I happen to like long hair.
Later on, as I made my way
through the fringes, people looked at
my life and guessed that, since it
wasn't falling apart, I must be a girl.
By then I could speak
and I was finding words
with which to describe myself,
so I tried to explain to them
that being genderqueer isn't
inherently a maddening thing.
Inconvenient, yes;
life-wrecking, not for me.
Most of them didn't understand,
but since they weren't part of my life,
I suppose it doesn't matter much.
I think more in terms of souls than in bodies,
and I don't really understand why so many people
clutch their pearls over non-issues such as
someone else's love or gender or skin.
We're all star stuff anyhow, celestial spirits
temporarily pretending to be meat.
I've gone through different descriptions --
omnisexual and pansexual and genderqueer --
before coming up with my own, metasexual.
This is me. I am metasexual.
I am a metasexual. Here I am.
I'm not strongly attached to
a gender presentation, I just like
to be comfortable and practical
and, above all, myself.
If it leaves some people
clutching at straws or
clutching at pearls,
well, that's their problem.
* * *
Notes:
When a baby is born, someone takes a casual glance at the genitals and guesses a sex/gender. One would think if they really cared about accuracy like they claim, they'd check the chromosomes, but they don't; they just eyeball it, which shows that this is all about society, not science. Note, I do say "female-bodied people" as I find it a useful classification because it covers shape rather than gender identity; e.g. "You are not going to leave all the female-bodied people in the kitchen to clean up the mess while all the male-bodies people go sit in the living room." Most women, a few men, and probably about half of other genders have a female-shaped body.
Gender stereotypes do nobody any good, and can be especially harmful to children.
It is widely believed that being transgender or genderqueer is mentally stressful. But it isn't for everyone. Some people experience life-wrecking levels of stress from it and others just don't. A problem is that when a majority of people who are publicly out have the high-stress version, folks tend to think the more comfortable ones are not real. Which is bullshit, but people can be stupid.
Metasexual means "beyond sex" -- beyond thinking of biological sex or sexual attraction as limited concepts. It's like how a painted line is a wall to a 2-dimensional person but not a 3-dimensional one. My sexuality is a tesseract, so a 3-dimensional barrier doesn't really stop me. Why a tesseract? Well, if gender is a spectrum, and sexual orientation is one, and romantic attraction is another, and you add in things like desire to form permanent relationships and how fast that can happen and specific traits hardwired into personality such as kink -- it adds up to a lot more than 3 measly dimensions. The gender unicorn is another example.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-06 11:06 pm (UTC)"A PERSON is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it!"
-- Agent Kay, all too familiar with a bazillion different alien ways of thinking
(Oh, how I wish that weren't true, but look at where thinking otherwise got us....)
The thing of it is, if you teach kids early - and it doesn't have to be too early, no later than say, fifth grade, but earlier is better - to take people at face value, they *do*, and it *sticks*... the whole "tribal" thing, us vs. them, is ingrained, but the definition of tribe is extremely malleable...
(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-07 02:35 am (UTC)-- Agent Kay, all too familiar with a bazillion different alien ways of thinking<<
I see your quote and raise you:
"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons."
--Jim, aka The Waco Kid, all too familiar with the single strangest way of thinking: human.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-06 11:17 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2017-07-07 12:50 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2017-07-07 01:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-07 03:50 am (UTC)No, actually, srsly, what is gender???? Someone explain it to me and the robots, pls.
-ZB
Thoughts
Date: 2017-07-07 04:42 am (UTC)Yay! :D
>> (I don't get the distinctions between genders at all, so I just don't bother with a gender.) What the heck is gender anyway?
No, actually, srsly, what is gender???? Someone explain it to me and the robots, pls. <<
Gender is a way that some people feel about themselves which shapes the perspective of their identity. They know it about themselves even if other people change their bodies and then lie to them. People who have the same gender often, though not always, share many traits in common and enjoy being together as a group. In this, it is kind of like being on a sport team.
Gender is also a way of sorting people. It tells them who they go with for social purposes or sexual purposes -- and those are typically different. In this, it is kind of like moieties, which are kinship groups that restrict marriage options to avoid inbreeding.
People around the world like to put gender on inanimate objects, and there is actually some pattern to it, even though the same item may have a different gender in different languages. Things that are soft, round, or hollow are often considered feminine. Things that are hard, pointy, or long are often considered masculine.
Souls don't really have sex or gender, although some of them will pick the same sex/gender every damn time they incarnate. In fact one reason for transgender folks is not making the shift between bodies -- they still feel like their last gender even though their new body has a different shape.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-07-07 05:55 am (UTC)Me, I've always wandered from group to group, mystified by why they sorted out that way and uncomfortable in all of them. And I've never really noticed the shape of any body I wear, so long as it doesn't impede what I'm doing.
I shall now file that in 'Ways people sort themselves' along with personality types and go on without, I do believe. :D
-ZB
(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-07 07:01 am (UTC)Pointing that out next time it comes up.
Your description of metasexual reminds me of when somebody tried to describe gender and orientation as aspects of a painting, and then wound up running short of symbols before they ran out of concepts to include...
I haven't tried to find a label for my gender. It's just there, and feels like words would be inadequate or inaccurate if I did find them. I'm fine with that, though I feel lucky over genderqueer friends who *want* to find a label but can't, or who've struggled over what they are. :/
- Deacon
Thoughts
Date: 2017-07-07 07:07 am (UTC)\o/
>> Your description of metasexual reminds me of when somebody tried to describe gender and orientation as aspects of a painting, and then wound up running short of symbols before they ran out of concepts to include...<<
Heh, yeah.
>> I haven't tried to find a label for my gender. It's just there, and feels like words would be inadequate or inaccurate if I did find them. <<
Cool.
>> I'm fine with that, though I feel lucky over genderqueer friends who *want* to find a label but can't, or who've struggled over what they are. :/ <<
Yeah.
Me, I tried on labels like they were clothes.
This is falling off me.
Crotch doesn't fit.
Chest doesn't fit.
Can't even get into this one.
*rrrrrippp*
Fuck it, I'll just learn to sew.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2017-07-10 02:18 am (UTC)*laughing*
That sounds like the way I actually did learn tailoring. Imagine if you will: early 1980's. 5'9", 120 lb female-shaped body. Fencer, archer, former gymnast, all at competition levels. Muscle development across shoulders and upper back to suit such pursuits...but itty bitty tits. If my blouse was sheer I wore a camisole; otherwise I just didn't bother. So my chest measurement was 36", but all of it was ribcage. Waist was 24. Anything that fit my shoulders hung like a sack. If something fit in the width and had a waist, then the waist hit about the base of my ribcage, a good 4 or 5 inches above where it belonged. If it fit in the length it looked like I was dressing up in Mommy's things. Knee length skirts weren't - they were mini-skirts, and let's not even get into hobbling a person with an actual normal stride!
So I started making my own professional clothes.
Gender? I tend to get tagged female, probably because my default mode is caregiver/Jewish Mother, but it isn't tied to anything feminine. I suppose to myself, I'm basically neutral. Names and pronouns may give me trouble when people transition, but I think that's primarily linguistic, because the meat-suit is just that - the current outfit. I'm fortunate to be comfortable in the body I have. (At least in that regard. I just wish it functioned better.) As for other people, I've been known to get my pronouns messed up with someone who had a female body, identified male in their own head...and had never mentioned it to anyone. That made for an interesting conversation once we were alone, I can tell you!
(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-07 04:56 pm (UTC)> if I did find them. I'm fine with that, though I feel lucky over genderqueer friends who *want* to find a label but
> can't, or who've struggled over what they are. :/
Yeah, my gender is 'oh god do I hafta', so I feel you there. Fortunately we don't hafta.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-07-08 04:22 am (UTC)- Deacon