ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem is spillover from the September 2013 Crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by the sculptures of Choi Xoo Ang. It has been sponsored by [personal profile] kengr. This poem belongs to the series Diminished Expectations.

WARNING: This poem (and the series in general) contains material that many readers may find disturbing. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers and also triggers. The setting is a dystopia which is horrible for everyone, with rampant racism, ableism, and other oppression. It features self-bullying, self-harm, pictures of explicit sculptures (although they're amazing as art), and other mayhem. Please consider your tastes and headspace before deciding whether this is something you want to read.


Two bodies merged together,
front to back, brothers
of bone and skin --

the one behind is Assurance,
who has the left arm
plus ears and mouth and nose;
while the one before is Diligence,
who has the right arm
but only eyes in a smooth head.

They share two legs,
human nearly to the hips,
dwarfing their shrunken genitals;
their hands are huge,
the skin pink and supple
almost to the elbows.

They cannot escape
each other or themselves,
two minds trapped in one body,
twined together so tightly
that they cannot tell
where one ends
and the other begins.

They hate themselves,
hitting with their fists
and hurting with words,
both bully and victim
in an eternal reflexive fight

that they cannot imagine stopping
even though it brings them no relief.

* * *


The Diminished customarily have virtue names.

See a full view and closeup of Assurance and Diligence.

Self-bullying is a devastating form of internalized abuse. Counter it by learning self-compassion and standing up to self-bullying. Here are some exercises.

Self-harm happens when people turn their pain back on themselves. There are ways to stop or prevent it. However, most of this stuff is written by outsiders, who don't always understand what it's like. My go-to resource is the Hurt Yourself Less Workbook, written by and for people with self-injury issues.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-06-03 05:30 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
We needed those exercises for self-compassion. Thank you.


Re: You're welcome!

Date: 2017-06-03 05:59 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
See. there's one of us who spent years and years working as a mask the rest of us fronted through because her anxiety issues made her a bit of a control freak.

But she spends a lot of time insulting herself, degrading herself, and generally saying things about herself that I wouldn't say to Dickweed Turnip.

I thought, maybe, I'd show her the exercises. She wants to change and work on that.

She also has a nasty habit of being worried whether or not people in this system exist, because a lot of the people here who split from trauma are different than the body life (Though the massive majority are walk-ins who wandered in from other worlds and other places, and she doesn't give them as much flac as she does those of us who were born here. However, I think that's partly due to a lack of cultural permission for folks who share a body, and Tumblr's toxicity when it comes to people having system members of different ethnicities or races or cultures even though those systems aren't trying to enter the spaces of those cultures.

But I think, if she can work on accepting herself, maybe it'll help her gain the confidence to not doubt the existence of those of us who were born here.

It's a slow process, but she really has come a long way, so I'm not dissing her or anything.
Tl;DR: This is important stuff.


PS: So. I know that Damask don't doubt their existence, because it's kind of hard to in their case. But I wonder if there are aspects of their plurality that they doubt or that make them squirm. I should prompt for that if I'm front. I usually don't, much, because I'm usually busy in-system.
Edited (Typo) Date: 2017-06-03 06:02 am (UTC)

Re: You're welcome!

Date: 2017-06-03 07:41 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
Tumblr is ridiculous! there's so much identity policing over there. You would not believe. Or actually, you would I bet.
Systems who split from trauma sometimes swear other systems are impossible. Systems who are all walk-ins sometimes do the same. Which is so strange to us, because for the decade or so we've been out in the communities, all the types of systems lived harmoniously. This phenomenon only happens on Tumblr.

Keane is actually our favorite member of Damask. We tend to love scapegoats, because we find they tend to need people to care most.

Thank you! <3 She saw your comment over my shoulder, thought about it for a long minute and said, "The doubting isn't helping. It makes things worse. So, I'm going to try just accepting people as who they say they are." Not gonna lie. I cheered.

Also, your wolf-friend sounds amazing. There're wolves here too, though most of them are werewolves, and I know exactly how much they'd love being treated like sapient wolves when they're actually in wolf form, as they do think entirely different.

You're awesome. And thank you for saving my prompt. Very appreciated.


A thing about models...

Date: 2017-06-06 04:37 am (UTC)
johnpalmer: (Default)
From: [personal profile] johnpalmer
One thing I'd add is, you don't need to drop a model if it works sometimes; the whole point of a model is that it's *not* the thing it's modeling. If you find a model works here, but not there, unless you find a better model that works better here AND there, keep the "here" and the "there" models if appropriate.

In my experience, there are a lot of good models that work sometimes, and as long as you remember that "the map is *not* the territory" you can use them where they work and back away when they don't.


ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)

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