ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem is from the February 7, 2017 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired and sponsored by [personal profile] ng_moonmoth. It also fills the "demisexual / demiromantic" square in my 2-1-17 Romantic card for the Valentines Bingo fest. This poem belongs to An Army of One series.


"A New Truth"


It was one of those days
when Astin needed skin contact
but couldn't tolerate being touched.

It made xyr twitchy and snappish,
and the people of Sargasso Base
shied out of the way until Shuttlecock
finall said, "Why don't you go see Palmer?"

"Because a massage therapist isn't
much use to me when I'm too wound up
to be touched," Astin grumbled.

Shuttlecock flapped her hands at xyr
in a gentle shooing motion. "Go on,"
she said. "Give Palmer a chance
to figure out how to handle this.
You're not the only one who
has this kind of problem."

"I'm not?" Astin said, bemused.

"Really not," Shuttlecock assured xyr,
opening the door to urge Astin out.

So Astin went to see Palmer,
shuffling and muttering xyr way
through an explanation of the problem.

"Skin hunger and touch aversion feel
terrible when they gang up on you,"
Palmer said with a familiar nod.
"How are your hands? Can you
still touch things with them, or
is that also awful today?"

"I can touch things just fine,"
Astin said. "It's being touched
that I can't abide right now."

"Great," said Palmer, "then
how about you touch me?"

"Hrm?" Astin said, feeling
more confused than ever.

"The body has its own wisdom,
its own needs, but sometimes those
get in each other's way," Palmer said.
"If you touch me, that should give you
enough to satisfy the skin hunger without
exacerbating the touch aversion. Besides,
I never get enough healthy touch, so
you'd be doing me a favor."

"I don't know what to do,"
Astin admitted.

"That's all right," Palmer said.
"I can talk you through it."

"I can try," Astin said.

When Palmer stripped down,
Astin saw that she wore the same kind
of stretchy tank-and-shorts underwear
that xe had gotten Mole to make.
Apparently it was catching on.

Palmer lay down, underwear
still in place, on a work table that
had been padded with packing foam.

"You can touch me anywhere
not covered by cloth," she said.
"Start by just running your hands
lightly up and down my body."

Astin did that, and xyr palms
came alive as they touched
the smooth expanse of her skin.

Something in xyr stirred
and then went still.

The touch somehow soothed
the restlessness within xyr,
helping it settle down.

Slowly Astin worked xyr way
over Palmer's body from
feet to legs to back.

Xe could feel the soft,
intimate motion of her ribs
as she breathed in and out,
her chest expanding and
contracting under xyr hands.

Then xe did the arms,
long limp noodles of flesh
that flopped around if xe
wasn't careful with them.

Palmer rolled over so that
Astin could do her front,
although by now she was
so relaxed now that she
was nearly nonverbal,
her instructions down
to mumbles and grunts.

Astin followed along as best
xe could, and Palmer seemed
to be enjoying herself.

Xe drew little circles along
her cheekbones with xyr fingertips
and traced the faint lines that lay
between her eyebrows.

Palmer had a soft, round face
that always made Astin smile
to see it, as easy on the eyes
as her hands on xyr body,
at least when xe was in
a mood to be massaged.

This was ... nice, though,
in a whole different way.

It unwound the tension in
Astin, and xe found that it
felt good to help Palmer the way
that she had helped xyr before.

By the time Astin finished,
Palmer was half-asleep
on the padded table.

Astin covered her with a towel
and said, "Stay there as long as
you like," which was what Palmer
always said to xyr afterwards.

Then Astin sat down
in the corner chair and
tried to figure out xyr feelings.

Xe didn't usually have a lot of
feelings about people, at least
not intimate ones, but there was
definitely something growing now,
unfamiliar and sweet.

Astin wasn't sure what to do
about that, but maybe it was okay
not to know, just to wait and
see what it turned into.

Eventually Palmer sat up
and smiled at xyr. "Thank you,"
she said. "That was lovely.
How are you feeling?"

"Better," Astin said.
"Still a bit confused, though."

"Bodies can be confusing,"
Palmer agreed. "People
are definitely confusing."

This was true, although
the people of the Lacuna
were beginning to make
a lot more sense to Astin
than most people did.

"I'm a little embarrassed,"
xe admitted. "I don't usually
come unglued like this."

Palmer shrugged, a long slow roll
of her whole body. "So?" she said.
"Maybe that's what you needed."

"Maybe," Astin said, still feeling awkward.

"I'm trying to hold onto a new truth,"
said Palmer, "that in the instincts of
the body, there should be no shame,
but a frank appreciative pride."

"I like that a lot better than
'cover your shame' or worse,"
Astin said thoughtfully.

Palmer wrinkled her nose,
making the constellations of
freckles change shape.
"Where did you hear that?"

Astin opened xyr mouth to say,
At home, but it didn't feel right anymore.
Xyr ship was xyr home, and the rooms that
xe kept here and at Supply Base Bounty 3D3N.

"From my parents," Astin said instead.
"I don't miss them much, though.
I like the company here better."

Palmer smiled, and made
the little cross-arms-flick-hands
gesture of blowing xyr a hug
without groping xyr.

"I like this company better too,"
she said firmly.

* * *

Notes:

"I had fast in my heart's keeping the new truth that in the body, and the instincts of the body, there should be no shame but rather a frank, joyous pride."
-- Arnold Bennett (1867–1931)

Skin hunger and touch aversion are two opposed needs that can occur at the same time, which is miserable.

Massage is a fantastic type of healthy touch. This is not the sequence we customarily use in a therapeutic massage, but it is an excellent sequence for when someone is skittish, because it moves from the extremities toward the core of the body. Aside from fully-clothed massage, the usual rule is not to massage body parts that remain covered by cloth; it's a discreet way to communicate boundaries. Many people (whether giving or receiving massage) need to work up the intimacy level of full nudity.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-09 05:04 am (UTC)
technoshaman: (warm_puppy)
From: [personal profile] technoshaman
That is *the* rule that N learned in LMP class. With the exception of preliminary exam (both before and on-table), if it's got cloth on, no touchee, and modesty preserves. There are ways of, f'rex, exposing one gluteus maximus...

Now, of course, there is *sensual* massage, which is a whole 'nother ballgame, but at least in L-America it's almost always non-ace. (T-America is, well, different.... I remember Tim the Tentacle Monster having two different encounters back in the day....)

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-09 06:03 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
Ohhhh this was amazing!!!

But I have a question. Where can I find out more about Astin and Palmer? Are they characters of yours, or from a fandom or? Because there are folks in here who could seriously relate to everything Astin was feeling.

Re: Thank you!

Date: 2017-02-09 06:42 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
OMG nonbinary, autistic and neurodivergent characters. We're in Heaven or analog of squee. *Just burrows selves in your work till the only thing poking out is the tip of their nose*

Also, one of our nonbinary people uses almost the same set of pronouns as Astin, only with hir instead of xyr, so xe wanted to send some squee your way about actually seeing someone with similar pronouns to hir portrayed in fiction.

We're pronoun geeks so so much. There're even a few people here who didn't find any pronoun sets that felt quite right to them and made their own, and fiction with nonbinary, neurodivergent and otherwise marginalized groups is like... rain to a desert.

Re: Thank you!

Date: 2017-02-09 08:31 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
*Squee* I will dive into these links first thing in the morning. So excited. Bodymom has a doc appointment tomorrow and we'll have our phone. Waiting in boring doctor's offices is perfect times for excellent literature.

Going by she isn't lazy at all, at least none of us thinks so. The person who created the pronoun set, there are two people actually but my set is in another comment... the other person says I may share the set that was created. It's "se/sim/ser/serself (or Simself)"

The reason that the set shifts from sim to ser is because when se was making the pronoun set, se realized that sims was a video game, and se thought ser was better.

So. Sample sentences just for fun.

Se went to the store today.
Sim mother asked ser to buy a poundcake.
Se also bought serself a delicious chocolate bar.

Though se usually uses serself, se likes to use the self pronoun to let people in the know know where on the gender spectrum ser gender happens to be though se won't take offense at anyone getting it wrong and it's more for ser own self-recognition but generally that doesn't come up because the self-reflexive pronoun doesn't come up too often, and most of us don't have a problem just asking ser which the correct one is today.

Re: Thank you!

Date: 2017-02-10 06:35 am (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
>> I haven't found a set that I like enough to be worth the bother of having to teach it to everyone I meet. So I don't really have a strong preference. She is fine, the body being XX insofar as I know and possessed of obvious tits. This is perhaps lazy, but it saves me a lot of work. He is fine, I lean masculine. They is fine; I am large, I contain multitudes. <<

This is helpful to me to know, as I prefer to address people in the way they prefer to be addressed. I understand it's not a priority for you at this time, though.

Ysabet, if it is of interest to you, I find that I tend to refer to you as 'he' talking to myself and 'she' talking to other people who know you, sometimes veering back and forth and landing in 'they' (very occasionally another gender-neutral pronoun). Which struck me as curious; but I thought you wouldn't mind hearing it. And I use 'she' of myself talking to people who know me in that pronoun-set and sometimes carry it over out of sheer habit, but am actually HAPPY when I get 'they'.

Re: Thank you!

From: [personal profile] alatefeline - Date: 2017-02-10 07:06 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Thank you!

Date: 2017-02-10 03:33 am (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
*happy flapping* Yay useful pronouns!

Re: Thank you!

Date: 2017-02-10 04:19 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
Awww. I'm happy that I could make you happy!

-The creator of that pronoun set

Re: Thank you!

From: [personal profile] alatefeline - Date: 2017-02-10 06:37 am (UTC) - Expand

Hi there!

Date: 2017-02-09 06:42 am (UTC)
ng_moonmoth: The Moon-Moth (Default)
From: [personal profile] ng_moonmoth
There's a lot of me in Astin. [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith's writing has helped me a lot in working out the issues I face as an emerging nonbinary individual in a culture that provides very little room for such people. The Astin stories, like so many of [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith's, often give me an idea of how well things can go -- in my case, for interacting with others as a nonbinary person. This is something I can aspire to.

Another character who contains a lot of me in this series is V. V is a child of privilege who was raised as a pawn in a vicious struggle between estranged parents. V was introduced in "Too Expensive to Ship Back" and "Too Much Energy", and also appears in a few later stories.

From your comments, it sounds like you are a multiple. Please drop me a line if any of you would enjoy sharing how they relate to Astin's feelings.

Re: Hi there!

Date: 2017-02-09 08:04 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
Hi! It's very nice to meet you! We are a multiple, and also bodily, we're kind of everywhere gender identity wise, whether because of having so many genders represented or some other reason we don't know. But we only figured out about our own nonbinary nature maybe a year ago, because multiplicity and there being so many genders of people in the system can really complicate your figuring that out because you don't know if it's a nonbinary person fronting or if that's the system's base gender identity. Whew, that was a huge paragraph sorry.

Anyhow, it's me that identifies most with Astin. My name's An (that's pronounced with the A being like the one in father if you were curious) and I have a lot of issues around touch. I crave it, but I also find it overloading a lot of the time in my own right, and when I front that tends to bleed over to the body a bit.

To add to the complexity, I'm also a multiple, a multiple inside a multiple system. My headmate is actually a lot better at handling casual touch than I am, so sometimes I can ask him to help me out when I get touch-averse, but sometimes it doesn't help, and the way that I generally handle it when my skin hunger and touch aversion clash is to kind of isolate and be miserable for a while. I hadn't thought of touching other people. I have a friend I think might be willing. It's hir who was squeeing over Astin's pronouns, and I'll have to ask hir if that'd be okay.

The stories about V sound really, really good too and I'll be sure to check them out!

You seem like a really amazing person. We've seen you around on some of [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith 's posts, and we think you're neat. Thank you so much for your comment. I don't get to talk about this stuff outside system very often.

-An

PS: If you need to refer to me, because the whole concept of gender feels so foreign to me, my headmate started referring to me with the pronoun set An/Ans (or An's)/Anself. And they kind of stuck and they work.

Re: Hi there!

Date: 2017-02-09 05:37 pm (UTC)
ng_moonmoth: The Moon-Moth (Default)
From: [personal profile] ng_moonmoth
>> Hi! It's very nice to meet you! <<

And it's very nice to get a more extensive introduction. Welcome to the community!

>> We are a multiple <<

Have you found the Damask thread in Polychrome Heroics yet? Damask is a multiple in that storyline.

>> we're kind of everywhere gender identity wise, whether because of having so many genders represented or some other reason we don't know <<

I don't know if this works the same way for you as it does for me, but I've very often found that the "back" of my brain will produce answers for things I haven't been able to figure out if I put something back there and ask it to let me know if it gets an answer.

>> But we only figured out about our own nonbinary nature maybe a year ago <<

That's OK. My upbringing, and the culture of the times in which it happened, drove the nonbinary part of my identity into "deep cover". It only re-emerged about five years ago, in the aftermath of a life event that caused me to question another aspect of my identity. Doing that revealed to me (back-of-the-brain stuff again) that my sexuality and gender identity were likely not what I thought they were. So right now, I'm picking my way gingerly through a collapsed facade around all those things -- one I had hidden behind -- hoping to emerge as myself. And working hard to do it.

>> Whew, that was a huge paragraph sorry. <<

You're a huge person. You ought to have a huge paragraph to introduce yourself. And maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer it if you can get past apologizing for being yourself with me. I think you sound interesting. And my 'satiable curiosity has woken up, and is interested in finding out more.

>> Anyhow, it's me that identifies most with Astin. My name's An <<

Nice to meet you. Are you the only one who fronts for messaging? Is there a different name I can use for "whoever wants to answer" if I don't have a specific headmate in mind?

Names are important to me. I'm still looking for one that works for my emerging self. The back of my brain kicked out one a while back, but I was able to figure out that that one designated only the parts of my identity that I did not express while I was in deep cover. It may be the right name for me, but I'm not sure yet.

>> I hadn't thought of touching other people. I have a friend I think might be willing. It's hir who was squeeing over Astin's pronouns <<

Just so I can be clear, were you intending to say that your friend uses pronouns like Astin's and was the one squeeing over them? Is there a headmate squeeing, too?

>> You seem like a really amazing person. We've seen you around on some of ysabetwordsmith's posts, and we think you're neat. <<

*goes all warm and squishy inside* Aw, geeeee. Thanks!

>> Thank you so much for your comment. I don't get to talk about this stuff outside system very often. <<

Getting to talk about my identity with people who want to take the time to understand is immensely affirming for me. I expect the same is true for others, so I look for opportunities to engage with people who have non-mainstream identities, as themselves.

>> my headmate started referring to me with the pronoun set An/Ans (or An's)/Anself. And they kind of stuck and they work. <<

V also uses autopronouns (that's what I'm calling using one's name, or a portion of it, as a pronoun). V makes a distinction between "V's" (something that belongs to V) and "Vs" (something that is part of V). Example: V's computer, Vs parents. How do you use the two forms?

Adding you to my reading and access lists now.

If you want to, you can keep talking in public here. Nobody will mind, and many will enjoy it. If there are things you aren't comfortable saying that way, feel free to PM me.
Edited (Cat posted an incomplete message for me) Date: 2017-02-09 05:52 pm (UTC)

Re: Hi there!

Date: 2017-02-09 07:35 pm (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
Awwww! Your kitty was trying to be helpful. :D

All right. Let me preface this by saying that my headmate and I are fictives. If you need a definition for that term, just ask and someone here will be happy to give you a definition. There are actually quite a few fictive folk in this system, some who believe they were neurally generated, some who believe that they joined the system from other spiritual places, some who aren't sure. We also have an otherworld we go to when not fronting. Sometimes we write about it. We should seriously post the flash fiction we write. I bet you'd enjoy it.

BUT let me get to your questions because yay questions! :D

Have you found the Damask thread in Polychrome Heroics yet? Damask is a multiple in that storyline.
No! None of us has, but we'd definitely love a link, or will go exploring and find it.

I don't know if this works the same way for you as it does for me, but I've very often found that the "back" of my brain will produce answers for things I haven't been able to figure out if I put something back there and ask it to let me know if it gets an answer.
That's a really brilliant idea! We'll try it!

That's OK. My upbringing, and the culture of the times in which it happened, drove the nonbinary part of my identity into "deep cover". It only re-emerged about five years ago, in the aftermath of a life event that caused me to question another aspect of my identity. Doing that revealed to me (back-of-the-brain stuff again) that my sexuality and gender identity were likely not what I thought they were. So right now, I'm picking my way gingerly through a collapsed facade around all those things -- one I had hidden behind -- hoping to emerge as myself. And working hard to do it.
Yes. Bodily we can understand this. We live in the deep South, in a place that is largely conservative. Thankfully, the bodymom is open-minded, but a lot of our family wouldn't have understood anything like nonbinary identities or multiplicity. So, hiding behind a facade is definitely understandable. Good luck on your journey. Be careful and gentle with yourself. It takes a lot of courage to pick through these things and I'm proud of you for doing it. If I, or any of us, can ever offer support or encouragement on your journey please don't hesitate to ask.

You're a huge person. You ought to have a huge paragraph to introduce yourself. And maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer it if you can get past apologizing for being yourself with me. I think you sound interesting. And my 'satiable curiosity has woken up, and is interested in finding out more.
OH! I wasn't apologizing for being myself, only for the giant wall of text. I know sometimes people have trouble reading those kind of text blocks. But if you don't have trouble reading them, than none of us will apologize for them. :D

Nice to meet you. Are you the only one who fronts for messaging? Is there a different name I can use for "whoever wants to answer" if I don't have a specific headmate in mind?
Oh, no. I'm not the only one who fronts. In fact, I'm actually not that frequent of a fronter at all. We're a really big system. If you don't know who's around, you can either ask. (Most people are really happy to tell you who they are.) or just use the name Rhymers. That'd be our system name.

Also, as a general rule, since we would never have enough icon slots even with a premium paid account for everyone who lives here, we used to sign our comments. However, we've hung around in a lot of singlet spaces that aren't multiple-friendly lately so we've gotten out of the habit, but we'll try to remember to sign.

Names are important to me. I'm still looking for one that works for my emerging self. The back of my brain kicked out one a while back, but I was able to figure out that that one designated only the parts of my identity that I did not express while I was in deep cover. It may be the right name for me, but I'm not sure yet.
Oh, I can totally understand that. Names are important here, too. Good luck finding one that works for you!

Just so I can be clear, were you intending to say that your friend uses pronouns like Astin's and was the one squeeing over them? Is there a headmate squeeing, too?
Yes. My friend is another person in the system. Hir name is Nagisa, and xe uses a nearly identical pronoun set.




Getting to talk about my identity with people who want to take the time to understand is immensely affirming for me. I expect the same is true for others, so I look for opportunities to engage with people who have non-mainstream identities, as themselves.
Same. It is very affirming.


V also uses autopronouns (that's what I'm calling using one's name, or a portion of it, as a pronoun). V makes a distinction between "V's" (something that belongs to V) and "Vs" (something that is part of V). Example: V's computer, Vs parents. How do you use the two forms?
Oh! That is a really cool use of pronouns, and actually much easier for me to differentiate since we bodily use a screen reader and vs is parsed differently than V's which we really really like.

Adding you to my reading and access lists now.
Oh! Thank you! This is the system's journal. If you'd like to add my headmate and I also, our personal journal is [personal profile] oritatami_tsubasa Just be warned that we talk about our canon source/ life before coming to this system. If you're not bothered by that sort of thing, we'd love to have you over there. As for this journal, when I add you back in just a second, you'll notice that we have a tag list. We always sign our posts, if we know who is fronting at all, and a tag labeled Poster: ? if we're not sure. That way you can look for tags by a particular person, or even by a particular topic. If you like introductions, the surveys tag is a pretty good starting place. It's a good way to get to know individual people better, though I think a really standard intro survey would be a good thing for us to make. Some people here are really really fond of online surveys, so they get done a lot.

If you want to, you can keep talking in public here. Nobody will mind, and many will enjoy it. If there are things you aren't comfortable saying that way, feel free to PM me.
Ok! And if there's anything that you don't feel comfortable saying, you can PM us too. Also, if you need a definition of any of the terms I've used here, feel free to ask. I know sometimes plural terminology differs from system to system.

Oh, I forgot to explain! Here're some sample sentences for my pronoun set!

An loves takoyaki.
An has An's blue jacket on today.
That book is An's.
An considers Anself to be a connoisseur of both B-grade and classic movies, and loves foreign films as well though An usually can't watch those while using this body as most subtitles are not accessible with a screen reader. This is a fact An finds rather unfortunate.

-An

PS: Might I ask what your cat's name is? The entire system loves animals of all kinds, and I'm a huge cat person, myself.

Re: Hi there!

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Re: Hi there!

Date: 2017-02-10 03:41 am (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
Autopronouns! *glomphs word* I have been doing this a lot. If I have a light touch it can pass unnoticed; if I use it systematically in something it can be interesting.

Also I teach little kids. And one sometime has to model the sentence as they would say it; "I am a good helper. Say it? 'I good.' Yes, you are a good helper!" and sometimes also speak inclusively, "We are walking," and other odd things. I have one student (probably autistic+gifted IMHO) that, when I want to know what she thinks, I have to use her name in conversation, because 'you' to her means 'the person who just said 'you'', whereas 'Is [name] happy?' gets an actual yes or no. And my snap words board has Ms. Mr. Mx. on it at the moment.

(I'm singlet, genderqueer, autistic, FYI.)

Re: Hi there!

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Re: Hi there!

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Re: Hi there!

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(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-10 03:30 am (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
Just started reading.

*vigoruous flapping* YES MAKES SENSE. ASK THE SMART QUESTIONS.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-10 03:41 am (UTC)
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
From: [personal profile] mdlbear
*LOVE* this one (as I do most -- all? -- of the Army of One series).

come on in, the water's fine

Date: 2017-02-10 06:41 am (UTC)
callibr8: (diversity)
From: [personal profile] callibr8
An, Rhymer, et al ... welcome to the online tribe of Wordsmith fans! My "handle" hereabouts is Callibr8, and I'm a cis-gendered singlet polyamorous female. As for sexuality, the term which fits best for me is "sapiosexual" ... I am attracted to highly intelligent beings. The only time I care about physical form - mine or others - is when making practical accommodations (types of food, oxygen content of "air", what furniture is comfortable) for such. If a form is unfamiliar, background information is always appreciated (and kept confidential)! It's true that I think that some forms are more fun or interesting than others, but I've always at least aspired to IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations).

The Wordsmith's domains encompass thousands of poems and stories in dozens of settings. You'll find a lot to explore hereabouts, and as much or little companionship in such exploration as you choose to have.

Again, welcome!

Re: come on in, the water's fine

Date: 2017-02-19 04:21 am (UTC)
mirrorofsmoke: The words "We are Groot" and a picture of Baby Groot on an icon with a swirly galaxy background. (Default)
From: [personal profile] mirrorofsmoke
OH! I only just now saw this comment! Thank you so much.

-Tsukasa

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-09 06:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rhodielady-47.livejournal.com
I can always depend upon you to take me through territory I've not only never visited before but never knew existed before either.
Astin's double problem might be a bit more common than most of us know, judging by how popular massage is.
I can say this for myself--I've always enjoyed giving massages more than I have getting them.
:^}

(no subject)

Date: 2017-02-09 12:11 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
... the overlap between what I happen to already need to read and what you've just posted continues to amaze and delight me. Thanks for this. I actually have a date with a friend for a mani/pedi and we were just talking about how to communicate boundaries discreetly and explicitly, because the combination of skin hunger and touch aversion is an issue for me but now, thanks to the suggestion of giving a massage, I have another option. *giggles* Awesome!

Thoughts

Date: 2017-02-09 12:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
>> ... the overlap between what I happen to already need to read and what you've just posted continues to amaze and delight me. Thanks for this.<<

I'm glad I could help.

>> I actually have a date with a friend for a mani/pedi <<

Woohoo!

>> and we were just talking about how to communicate boundaries discreetly and explicitly, because the combination of skin hunger and touch aversion is an issue for me but now, thanks to the suggestion of giving a massage, I have another option. *giggles* Awesome! <<

1) Think about what feels good to you, or not, and why; whether and how that changes. For some people, light touch is always bad. For me, it's usually fine but if I've had bugs crawling on me (like I did all summer because the central air broke and the window unit let them in) then it drives me nuts. Often the problem can be solved by modifying the type of touch instead of not touching.

2) I recommend making a body map of where it is okay to touch you and how. If this changes often, just keep printouts so you can redo them as needed. Compassionate Boundaries is good, and there are examples. Here's a different version looking at comfort ranges based on familiarity.

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ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
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