>> Boomerang bigot is a useful phrase for me, thank you. I was aware of that type of reaction with stifled homosexuals and self hating Jews, but I didn't have an overall term for it. <<

The technical generic term for the condition itself is "internalized oppression." If you're looking for references on how to overcome it, that's the search phrase to use, or any of its subcategories such as internalized racism.

>> I just had a friend explain to me how that happens with fat people, <<

It often does. Having everyone avoid you and/or say that you're greedy, lazy, and have no self-control -- when for many fat people, life is an exhausting treadmill of saying no to almost everything -- is soul-destroying. Now add in the fact that they can rarely get medical help for anything without being abused about their fat and bullied to go on a diet ... which has about a 5% chance of long-term success and 95% chance of making matters worse. Perhaps they find it more bearable to believe that oneself is bad than that the world is largely full of other bad people.

>> so I sent along the link to the new poem, Saying No to Powerlessness, when it was sponsored. <<

Thank you!

>> Fortunately, it was even someone who understood I was confused, and didn't think I was being mean.<<

That's good.