ysabetwordsmith: (Fiorenza)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem came out of the February 17, 2015 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from LJ user Wyld_dandelyon. It has been sponsored by [personal profile] janetmiles. This poem belongs to the series Fiorenza the Wisewoman.

"Flowered Lanes"
-- an Italian sonnet

In winter, frigid winds and frost hold sway,
Which grip the world in silver claws so keen
They tear the curtains, lash the trees to lean,
And almost seem to strip the flesh away.

In spring, the winter snow and ice give way
To browning mud and sudden shoots of green --
Then purple crocus everywhere are seen --
It's muck in April, flowered lanes by May.

One day you leave your house, and there they are --
white violets in shade, an early rose
in sun, the scent of thyme about the farm,
a sprig of mint, and Bethlehem's blue star.
Now Fiorenza smiles as she goes
to gather them, a basket on her arm.

* * *


Read about weather in Le Marche.

Italian wildflowers include crocus, violet, rose, wild thyme, wild mint, and star of Bethlehem.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-02-20 05:38 am (UTC)
thnidu: a dandelion plant, the symbol of filk (filk)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
Oh that is so restful. JUST what I needed. (And so appropriate to her name!)


Date: 2015-02-21 02:09 am (UTC)
dialecticdreamer: My work (Default)
From: [personal profile] dialecticdreamer
I loved the poem until the sudden shift from "you" to "Fiorenza"-- it was disconcerting and I felt wrong-footed, mentally speaking, until i could isolate exactly what threw me out of the experience. I'm not complaining, just very *startled* by the experience, which is unusual within your poetry.

Until that moment, I was enchanted.

Re: thoughts

Date: 2015-02-21 01:04 pm (UTC)
dialecticdreamer: My work (Default)
From: [personal profile] dialecticdreamer
Within the framework of the sonnet, you MUST keep the number of lines, as well as the scansion and rhyme pattern, correct?

Then... change the wording to KEEP Fiorenza out of it. Keep the first poem ENTIRELY about the spring and the setting, and then write a second specifically from Fiorenza's internal, emotional/thought universe. Spring in a world of magic MUST be far different than here, so play that up, contrasting the bucolic, mundane first "setting" and external poem with something far more internal and abstract.

Yes, it's more work, but as you proved with Glyn and Ruggeiro, poetry is your strongest voice. I'm sure you can far surpass my suggestions.


ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)

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