This poem is spillover from the March 1, 2016 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from dialecticdreamer
. It also fills the "selfish" square in my 2-29-16 card
for the Villain Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by LJ user Daisiesrockalot. It belongs to the Shiv
thread of the Polychrome Heroics
series, and directly follows "To Give the Problem Back
." Make sure you've read that one, or this one won't make much sense.
WARNING: This poem contains some intense topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. The inside of Shiv's head is a terrible, horrible mess and even with Dr. G and Dr. Bloch both trying to help, much of what Shiv thinks or feels in this scene is bent to hell. This includes poor self-image, low sense of self-worth, reluctance (but not complete refusal) to talk about any of the problems, trouble believing that problems can be fixed, a metric fuckton of awful memories making current challenges even harder, assumptions that current people will misbehave in the same ways as previous people have, Shiv's inevitable misery and anxiety over having his boundaries violated recently, some very fatalistic views about that, exploration of distorted thought patterns, low expectations of relationships, attachment disorder, confusion, physical skittishness, feeling completely unheard, fractious communication, and other emotional mayhem. Readers who have had challenges with counseling or other health care in the past may find this a difficult read. However, by the end of the conversation, the situation is greatly improved.
If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.( Read more... )