ysabetwordsmith: (Schrodinger's Heroes)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This is part of my activity for Asexual Awareness Week. If you missed the beginning of this story, back up and read Part 1.


French Military Victories, Part 2

Quinn: "Oh yes. Then your people would wind up poking around, because they're nosy unmannerly Americans for the most part, and that would piss off Ash, who is our tech support. You do not want to piss off Ash. So of course, you would make a pass at her too, which would piss her off because Ash is asexual."

Jean-Claude: "Oh, come now. Everyone enjoys sex -- especially with a vampire of our line. If the woman is not madly in love with you, then you must be doing something wrong. Merely allow me to come for a visit and I will gladly show you how such things are to be done."

Quinn: "Jean-Claude. Mon ami. We have HAD this conversation before. Ash is ASEXUAL. She is not interested in kissing, fondling, groping, petting, licking, biting, sucking, or fucking ANYONE. Ever. At all. It is like --"

Jean-Claude: "Like the amoeba, yes yes, I have heard it before."

Quinn: "NO, she is NOT an amoeba, or a snail, or a jellyfish, or God help us, a coffee table! Ash is a PERSON who happens not to be interested in you. Get that through your thick head."

Jean-Claude: "I regret my prior remark about the coffee table. It was ill-done of me to say such a thing. I was merely shocked by what you were saying. It makes no kind of sense."

Quinn: "Well, it makes sense to Ash, who handles our electronic security, and believe me if you piss her off she will wipe the entire programming from your jet and then you'd be STUCK here. Which is so not happening because you are not coming into any territory of mine ever again."

Jean-Claude: "Our security is quite good. Do not dismiss it so readily."

Quinn: [Laughs.] "Jean-Claude, I have seen your security. I wouldn't trust it to secure my liquor cabinet. Hell, I wouldn't trust it to secure ALEX'S liquor cabinet, which I break into regularly."

Jean-Claude: "If it is alcohol you wish, mon ami, you have only to say so. I will bring you a case of the finest wine in exchange for the use of your airstrip. The matter really is quite urgent."

Quinn: "Sure it is. Something in your life is always on fire, and not in a good way."


[To be continued in Part 3...]

(no subject)

Date: 2011-10-28 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] westrider.livejournal.com
OK, now I need to find some way to work the sentence "I regret my prior remark about the coffee table." into conversation somehow.

Jean-Claude would drive me nuts if I had to actually deal with him, but reading about someone else having to deal with him is hilarious.

Thank you!

Date: 2011-10-28 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
>>OK, now I need to find some way to work the sentence "I regret my prior remark about the coffee table." into conversation somehow.<<

Thank you! I'm glad you like this.

>>Jean-Claude would drive me nuts if I had to actually deal with him, but reading about someone else having to deal with him is hilarious.<<

Yeah, same here. I'm fairly sure my weirdnesses would take less than five minutes to have him banging his head against a stone wall. Ladies' men generally don't fare too well with me.

And that's IF he kept his eyes to himself. Otherwise it'd be, "Um, Marshal Blake? You know how your boyfriend hasn't got any brakes to speak of? Well, he kind of hurt himself trying to break into my head."

(no subject)

Date: 2011-10-29 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rhodielady-47.livejournal.com
Going off topic about a little something you mentioned....
I was amazed when I found out how snails and slugs mated. Slugs in particular are quite dramatic. The undersea relatives of our land snails and slugs also have interesting mating habits.
:]

Yes...

Date: 2011-10-29 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
>>I was amazed when I found out how snails and slugs mated. Slugs in particular are quite dramatic. The undersea relatives of our land snails and slugs also have interesting mating habits.<<

Yes ... some are hermaphrodites, some are asexual. Many have downright bizarre practices, like penile fencing or trying to chew each other's bits off. The penile fencing contributed to a race of my aliens who have some rather messed-up social tendencies due to their biology.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fx-YgcP8Gg

Re: Yes...

Date: 2011-10-29 04:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rhodielady-47.livejournal.com
I'm surprised that scfi writers haven't used the hermaphroditism topic more than they have.
Your aliens are only doing what's normal and natural to them. They must really think humans and their mating habits are "too twisted for color TV".
:)

Re: Yes...

Date: 2011-10-31 04:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
It's really hard for them to interact with humans in some regards. Their normal sex routine amounts to mutually attempted rape. Most humans are not okay with that. And the aliens tend to respect anyone in male mode and disrespect anyone in female mode, which is a bit daft as an extrapolation from their biology but not as baseless as the human version -- which is all the more problematic when the aliens carry it over to humans. I actually have a poem about them, "Cockfight," that appeared in Star*Line some years ago.

Re: Yes...

Date: 2011-10-31 05:03 am (UTC)

Re: Yes...

Date: 2012-10-27 03:45 am (UTC)
thnidu: Bin There Dun That (Bin There Dun That)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
Why...

am I NOT surprised that it is you who have actualized that pun whose potential existence I have been aware of for many years, but never known how to instantiate or seen it done by another?

(Feline felon, get your fuzzy arse OFF MY KEYBOARD!)
Edited Date: 2012-10-27 03:46 am (UTC)

Re: Yes...

Date: 2012-10-28 01:08 am (UTC)
thnidu: my familiar. "Beanie Baby" -type dragon, red with white wings (Default)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
That's MY kind of person!

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