ysabetwordsmith: (Schrodinger's Heroes)
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This podcast script is a piece of crossover fanfic (for Schrodinger's Heroes / Doctor Who) somewhat inspired by recent conversations with my audience. Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 if you missed them.


[Tim reaches the group inside the Ring.]

Kay: "Hey, Tim's here. Tim, this is the Doctor and that box is a TARDIS. Doc, this is Tim."

The Doctor: "Greetings."

Tim: "I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Excuse me while I disengage your dimensional apparatus from ours." [Steps inside the TARDIS, disappearing.]

Chris: "JESUS! He just disappeared!"

Kay: "Looks like it's Tim's day to show us a new trick."

The Doctor: "Be careful in there!"

[Tim reappears.]

Chris: "Tim, thank God you're back -- where did you go?"

Tim: "I simply stepped through into the dimensional matrix not currently manifest in this reality. A snug fit, but all it requires is being able to see the path. I can't seem to reach everything, but I can reach the relevant areas." [Pause.] "Doctor, your eliminatory facility is flooding."

The Doctor: "Oh, not again! Please see if you can fix it."

Tim: "I am a scientist. I am a hobbyist interested in quantum mechanics. I am not a plumber. Could I trouble you for the loan of a sonic screwdriver? There are a few more components to uncouple before you can move your apparatus."

The Doctor: [Pats coat, then hands over the sonic screwdriver.] "Here. Don't drop it in the water."

Tim: "I will return shortly." [Disappears back into the TARDIS.]

The Doctor: "He's going to break something. I just know he is."

Kay: "As long as it's the part of your gear that's jammed with our gear, I'm okay with that."

The Doctor: "All very well and good for you --"

Kay: "It would get you out of here."

The Doctor: "Speaking of that, would you care to come with me and explore the galaxy while occasionally saving the world from evil?"

Kay: "No, thanks. That's my day job now."

The Doctor: "Oh. Well then. That's a bit of a disappointment, isn't it? This doesn't usually happen to me."

Kay: "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."

The Doctor: "Well, are there any other lovely young ladies who'd like to take a ride in my time machine?"

Chris: "We should let him try this with Ash."

Kay: "And have her get mad and fry his gear, so that he's still around the next time chaos falls from the sky? I don't think so."

Tim: [Reappears from the TARDIS.] "I believe that I have untangled the obstructions."

Chris: "Hey, it's moving now! Just tilt it onto the trailer and I'll haul it out."

Kay: "Okay, everyone in the truck. Tim, you'll have to ride in the bed again."

[Sound of engine as they drive out of the Tef.]

Chris: "Here we are. Hop out, folks. Let's set this thing on the ground."

The Doctor: "Don't break it."

Chris: "Doc, I could move a china cabinet in an earthquake without chipping a cup."

The Doctor: [Opens door, revealing large space inside TARDIS.] Yes! Brilliant! It's back to normal!"

Kay: "All in a day's work."

Tim: "I have a request. Could you take me with you? I really would like to get home."

The Doctor: "I'm afraid you wouldn't fit all the way inside, old chap. Terribly sorry."

Tim: "I thought as much. Very tight space in there, but I hoped it would expand more once it was back in working order."

The Doctor: "Well, I must be going now. Ta!"

[Grating, squealing sound as TARDIS disappears.]

Chris: "It's too bad that Midge wasn't snooping around the compound today."

Kay: "What for? That woman is a menace. I hate the press."

Chris: "Yeah, but she would have stowed away in that box for sure, and then we'd be rid of her!"


Schrodinger's Heroes also has a menu post.

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