ysabetwordsmith: (paladins)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This is the freebie for today's fishbowl, inspired by [personal profile] alexseanchai. It also fills the "relabeling" square in my 5-20-15 card for the Wellness Toolbox Bingo fest. This poem belongs to the series Path of the Paladins.


"Unset Courses"
-- a villanova


All his life he's served Gorrein,
Following from road to range,
Through the pleasure and the pain.

Weather turns from snow to rain.
Nahum knows that he must change ...
All his life he's served Gorrein.

Nahum works with thong and cane,
Though repairs are new and strange,
Through the pleasure and the pain.

All his life he's served Gorrein,
Through the pleasure and the pain.
Nahum peels himself
away from the old memories.

They hurt, coming loose, like bark
stripped from a tree, full of splinters.
He serves Gorrein no more.

All his former courses are unset.
Nahum cuts a new faith
into the surface of his soul.

He does not know how to serve Yasun
or keep a roadside shrine,
but he is determined to learn.

* * *

Notes:

The villanelle is a rhymed, metered form of 19 lines which suits a structured theme.

I used that as inspiration to invent the villanova, which starts out rhymed and metered but then breaks into free verse to represent a stark change of mindset. The first 11 lines are rhymed and metered, the last 11 free verse:
A1 b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / A1 A2 c d / e f g h / i j k l

Relabeling is a coping skill to change rigid or negative thoughts into something more flexible or positive. In this case, Nahum is redefining his religious allegiance.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-02 08:19 pm (UTC)
pinkrangerv: White Hispanic female, with brown hair, light skin, and green eyes, against a background of blue arcane symbols (Default)
From: [personal profile] pinkrangerv
Oooh, I LIKE that structure--it feels a lot like the way sudden mindtransformation does.

Dramatic shift

Date: 2015-06-02 08:41 pm (UTC)
dialecticdreamer: My work (Default)
From: [personal profile] dialecticdreamer
I love that it set up enough of the earlier structure to make me expect it, and thus put me a bit more wrong-footed when the lines didn't match the expected rhyme.

VERY effective, and that too, continued long enough to feel 'expected.' A lovely transition in many, many layers!

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-02 09:32 pm (UTC)
redsixwing: Red-winged angel staring at a distant star. (Default)
From: [personal profile] redsixwing
*applause!*

Oh YES. This feels like sudden change, and the context makes it abundantly clear that it's wanted and needed.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-03 02:26 am (UTC)
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
From: [personal profile] mdlbear
Nice. Really emphasizes the transition.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-03 03:18 am (UTC)
corvi: (Default)
From: [personal profile] corvi
Like everyone else commenting, I love what you did with the form!

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-03 05:28 am (UTC)
alexseanchai: Ladybug, of Miraculous fame, with a rainbow Pride background (Default)
From: [personal profile] alexseanchai
Sweet. LOVE the form.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-03 01:24 am (UTC)
ext_12246: (Default)
From: [identity profile] thnidu.livejournal.com
I used that as inspiration to invent the villanova

Luvvit!

Also the poem. :-)

Thank you!

Date: 2015-06-03 02:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
Forms are free for everyone to use. Consensus agrees that this one achieves its objective of illustrating a turnaround in character viewpoint. :D There aren't many "volta" forms that hardwire this, although the Italian sonnet is a good example of a classic ones.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-03 01:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] janetmiles.livejournal.com
Oho! Best of luck to Nahum.

Yay!

Date: 2015-06-03 02:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
He's making progress at least, painful as it is.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-06-03 02:27 am (UTC)
ext_3294: Tux (Default)
From: [identity profile] technoshaman.livejournal.com
Oh, there you are, Nahum! Yeah, this won't be easy, mate, but it beats what you had before...

Yes...

Date: 2015-06-03 02:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
Growth hurts, but if you're going in the right direction, it gets more bearable over time. Compare that with going in the wrong direction and how things just get worse.

Re: Yes...

Date: 2015-06-03 02:43 am (UTC)
ext_3294: Tux (Default)
From: [identity profile] technoshaman.livejournal.com
Yeah, I kinda noticed that once I set out in a certain set of directions the Universe's clue-bats hurt less and less...

Re: Yes...

Date: 2015-06-03 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
That's a good sign.

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